Eric made fun of my post from a few days ago that began “Can I think outloud?’ You know what, I don’t care what you think Eric Harry Beavers, I’m starting this one of the same way… Can I THINK OUTLOUD? (Now I can begin since my bitterness is out.

So I’m sitting in my town home and I notice this decoration kind of deal on my wall. I know you have done that before too….noticed something on your wall for maybe the first time even though it has been there for years. I’ll go home to my parents house in OH and say to my mom, “Hey mom, is that “whatever” new?” She will reply with, “No Jamie, that has always been there.” And so it was with this little decoration in my town home. Gretchen and I have been married for 8 1/2 years and have lived in four different places. I’m sure we have had this little decoration thing the entire time we have been married. It has been on various walls in PA and now MN. It has become so common, I stopped noticing it until today. But anyway, I’m looking at this deal, and I look at what it says — “In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straights (Proverbs 3:6).”

“Make your path straights” literally means, “to remove obstacles.” Its like driving down the road and potholes, cars, litter, pedestrians, various small animals, whatver it may be, are removed from the road. Your path is straight. So then I began to think about my life presently (as I’m steering at this decoration for like the first time) and I think to myself, “Why does my life seem full of obstacles right now? My path is not all that straight.” I even began to think of many of my friends and how they have obstacles in their lives. So what is that all about?

Honestly, I don’t know. But I have come to some almost conclusions (I use that phrase as an escape clause in case I’m wrong). One, maybe I am not fully “acknowledging Him (God).” Maybe my path is cluttered with distractions, confusion, sin, warfare, etc. because I’m not acknowledging or recognizing God in any and every situation. Second, maybe I acknowledge God, but I don’t trust Him enough (Proverbs 3:5). Maybe I focus too much time worrying about obstacles & straight paths and not enough time on God — the one who removes the obstacles. So maybe my path could easily be straightened if I simply began to move forward. Maybe I’m more worried about making sure the entire road from where I’m at and where I want to be is completely smoothed out, repaved, and fixed before I travel one mile. But maybe I need to just move forward one mile at a time, trusting God & God alone to continue straightening out everything until I reach my eternal home.

So what is the moral of all this? I don’t know. Look at your decorations at home? Maybe. Or strive for more recognition of God. Obstacles are nothing to Him. But will we trust Him enough to remove them?

…the more I sing that sweet old song the more I understand
That I do not comprehend this love that’s coming from your hand

Who am I that you would love me so gently?
Who am I that you would recognize my name?
Lord, who am I that you would speak to me so softly
Conversation with the love most high
Who am I?
-Watermark. Album: All Things New.

…He [God] jealously desires the spirit that dwells within you. -James 4:4-5

Why? I honestly can’t figure out why the God of the universe – the King of Kings, the Almighty, the Creator, the all-powerful, the all-knowing, the everywhere, the infinite and glorious God of Heaven – could possibly be passionately pursuing me! There is no theological grid that I could work through to make a proof statement for His love. All I know is that He’s had all of history to quit. To throw in the towl. To give up on us. In the garden – Adam and Eve were given everything, yet they disobeyed. Right there God could have called it quits. “What am I doing? These people don’t care! It’s over!” Or how about the flood. Why save Noah?? Why not just obliterate the earth? Think about David. King David. The chosen King of God’s people. He willfully and knowingly committed aduletery. “That’s it! Time to start over! I’m finished pursuing people who don’t listen! Who don’t care! Who aren’t paying attention! Who are too caught up with themselves! It’s over!” Why didn’t He quit? I don’t know. I do know that one night in a field, men with sheep were startled by voices from the heavens declaring that a Savior was about to born…Christ, the Lord. And with that simple birth, all of history for all time had proof of God’s love. Proof that He hasn’t given up. Proof that we matter to Him. Proof that He is passionate about us. Proof that He is pursuing us. Proof that He loves us. Can you hear the voice from heaven? I’m passionate about you.

Passion is defined as what we are willing to endure to reach the goal. God endured history. Jesus endured opposition, betrayal, accusations, challenges, mocking…and ultimately a cross. “my God, my God…why hast thou forsaken me?!”
I’m passionate about you. You matter to me.

I write all this to say that my ‘christianity’ isn’t about me. It’s not about MY love or MY efforts or MY merit. God passionately pursued me in love. He was passionate about the relationship with me! And that passion for me has ignited a passion in me to be passionate about Him. Make sense? I have ‘come to know and believe the love that God has for [me]” (Hebrews 11:6). And because of that I’m compelled to love Him. I’m compelled to love others.

Can you hear God’s voice in your life? The voice that calls out from the heavens?

You matter to me. I’m passionate about you.
I jealously desire the spirit I’ve made to dwell in you.

Enter the conversation.

I started my day yesterday reading this:

PALMER Mark K. Palmer, age 31, Monday, March 27, 2006 at Riverside Hospital after a long battle with cancer. 1992 Graduate of Mansfield High School, PA and 1996 Graduate of Baptist Bible College, Clarks Summit, PA. Currently working on his graduate degree at Ashland Theological Seminary. Mark was Spiritual Director of the Landing Place Community, Columbus, Ohio, and also shared his vision of Kingdom and Community living in speaking engagements across the country and around the world. Survived by wife, Amy Palmer; son, Micah Palmer; parents, Richard and Vivian Palmer of Mansfield, PA; sister, Christiana Palmer of Philadelphia, PA; brother, C.J. Palmer of Vista, CA; father and mother-in-law, Bruce and Betty Smith of Columbus, OH; also the members of his Landing Place Community. Preceded in death by his first wife, Jennifer Palmer.

Mark was a friend of mine from college. I played basketball with him for one year and lived in the same dorm. I don’t “look up” to my peers the same way I do my elders, heros of the faith, etc., but I did look up to Mark. He was the first person to truly challenge my grid of theology. He challenged me to allow God the freedom to roam outside the box I had put him in. I am where I am today because of Mark’s love & influence on my life. He loved God very passionately and He wanted to make a difference in this world for the way of Jesus. He desired Kingdom values to be established on this earth. A mighty saint of God has been lost.

So yeah, I’m just at a loss. So many questions, so many questions. LIfe is so brief! It truly is a vapor. I just want to leave a mark like Mark did. I want to live my life with an intensity fueled by my love of Jesus. As I remember Mark preached on once, I want to be “out of my mind” for the sake of Jesus (2 Corinthians 5).

So as the Spirit directs, would you pray for Mark’s family. His first wife (and mother of his son) passed away of cancer not too long ago. His second wife Amy (I’ve never met) will be raising their son Micah (4 yrs. old). I’m sure the community they lead is hurting to say the least. They have lost two of their leaders in 3-4 years. Take them to throne room please.

And then live, just live. Live a full life.

Can I think out loud? That’s what this is. Just thinking out loud. Don’t get all bent out of shape. I’m trying to work my way through something.

In my prep time for the community group I lead here in MN I was rocked a bit. More like floored. That happens sometimes. You know, when your little Sunday School answers don’t measure up to the truth you encounter in Scripture. When you read something that jams up the filter or smears the lense you have viewed Christianity through. Let me catch you up. We are talking about prayer (side note: Why do we have all of these lessons and stuff on prayer. Why not just do it???). So, I wanted to focus this week on what Jesus says about prayer in Luke 11. The chapter starts off with the disciples asking Jesus to teach them how to pray. So Jesus gives them the Lord’s or disciples (however you want to take it) prayer. He then tells them the story of the neighbor that needs bread. You know, “Friend, I need bread. I have unexpected guests and I need to feed them.” The guy says back, “Leave me alone, I’m tired, my kids are in bed with me.” But Jesus says, “because of the man’s BOLDNESS, the friend gets his neighbor bread.” So I decided to do a bit of research on what the word “boldness” means. I always had the picture of “boldness” being more like “perseverance.” You know, the neighbor just kept knocking on the door and wouldn’t leave him alone until the guy gets out of bed. But that doesn’t capture the true meaning of the word “boldness.” The word actually means “recklessness, audacity, shamelessness, one who knows no restraint.” The ESV version uses the word “impudence” instead of “boldness.” “Impudence” carries an attitude “marked by cocky boldness or disregard of others” (Webster’s). That pretty much stunned me. Still has honestly (that’s why I’m writing now). Why? Because Jesus goes on to say, “So I say unto you…” Or “Therefore,” or “so because of that, you should do this…” “So I say to you, ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened for you.” Wait a second Jesus! What are you saying? Are you saying that I can approach God with a “reckless, audacious kind of boldness?” That I should expect God to answer my request just because? Me approach the Creator of the World, the one true living God, I AM, LORD of Hosts with a kind of attitude that says, “I belong here in your presence and believe you will give, help me find, and open the door?”
Doesn’t that just feel off? Doesn’t it feel wrong? Presumptuous? Misguided? Shouldn’t we humbly approach God? After all He is God right? We are not!

But for whatever reason, the Spirit has been telling me otherwise. He tells me Jesus can be trusted. I don’t have to have it all figured out. I just need to believe Jesus… to take Him at His word… to have that type of faith in my Father. That I can come to Him for anything at anytime and feel like I belong there.

Well, sorry if I messed you up. But I feel better just getting those things off my chest. Thoughts?

In our community groups here in the Twin Cities we are discussing prayer. I wanted to share some things that are on our blogsite for the groups from Dan & Abby.

PRAYER – A conscious realization of a personal intimate relationship with a holy, omnipotent God. — Dr. Jim King

A CONSCIOUS
(never stopping, always existing, 24/7)

REALIZATION
(knowledge of, awareness, continuing road sign, eternal knot of the finger)

of a PERSONAL
(all yours, not based on anyone else)

INTIMATE
(“unknown” to anyone else, deeper than normal, tell Him things you don’t tell others)

RELATIONSHIP
(father to son, king to servant, deeper than normal, tell Him things you don’t tell others)

with a HOLY
(separate, set apart, more pure than you could imagine)

OMNIPOTENT
(all powerful, bigger than impossibilities, greater than problems, more than enough for the unknown)

GOD
(Prince of Peace, Lord of Lords, King of Kings, Lion of Judah, and I AM that I AM, BE)

– Dan

The past couple of days have been a little rough for me. I’ve struggled through a high fever, and other unpleasant symptoms. You know the feeling. My fever was so high all I could do was lie in bed, either shivering and shaking with a cold sweat, or roasting because I was so hot. It’s the first time I have been that sick with a fever in a long time. It’s actually the first time I have been that sick while living away from my family. My mom was not here to take care of me. I was alone most of the time. (Side note: when Lisa was home, she was an extremely wonderful “mom” for me!)

Yes, it was miserable, but no, I didn’t feel alone. Why? Because I have 24-7 access to a personal, intimate, holy, omnipotent God. God never left my side the entire time. I had some freaky dreams, horrible flashbacks to painful times in my life, and was in physical pain at times. You know what I did? I cried out to my Father. I knew he was there with me, so I asked him to guard my heart and mind, and to heal my body. He was there watching over me, taking care of me, listening to me, and sitting right next to me. I also listened to his voice.

You don’t have to be sick to have this kind of personal communication with your Father. For me, it was a comfort because I was sick, but God is there during your happiest moments, and every day moments, and boring moments, and…well, he’s there no matter what the case! How would your relationship change, if you talked to God and thought of him in this way? Try it, and I promise you, you will never be the same.

– Abs